I survived the first day! I was able to successfully share my blog and thoughts online. As I said yesterday, I have this tendency to be very cautious and compliant in life and then, BAM! I take a risk. So again, this is my risk, and here’s why…
I have never been able to keep a journal or diary. I have tried. When I was about 13 or so, I received a diary as a present. I still have it. My idea at the time, as I was developing into a properly angst-ridden adolescent, was that a journal would be where I write my deepest, darkest thoughts. And boy, did I. For maybe two days, I wrote about all my insecurities before I noticed something:
Comments suddenly appeared in the margins. Next to a paragraph about feeling ugly, there was “No you’re not!” Next to a paragraph about feeling alone there was “Everybody likes you!”
This handwriting was not mine. This was the handwriting of my older sisters.
That was it. I was violated, hurt, and embarrassed. I never wrote in that journal again, though I kept it, as evidence of trust broken. As leverage...
I tried to start journals (and hide them better) a few times as I got older, but the only times I ever felt moved to write were times that I was wallowing in self-pity. I would go back to read the entries later and start to think perhaps the writing was encouraging the self-pity, so I stopped.
So I’m hoping that by continuing with this daily writing, I will be able to break free from habit of just venting while I write, develop myself as a professional and as a writer, and walk that fine line between sharing and oversharing. I never thought I would sign up for a personal blog, but I have to admit, I’m already enjoying thinking of possible posts. And this time the comments are appreciated. :)